


He's Standing in the Ashes at the end of the World......

by elizabella



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF, gryles - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dry Humping, Friends to Lovers, Gryles, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizabella/pseuds/elizabella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick & Harry falling apart .... falling in love......falling apart.....falling in love....   set over the past 10 months in various locations......</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Standing in the Ashes at the end of the World......

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say I have loved Nick for many years since before even x factor foetus Haz....I recently met Grim and seeing that perfect face close up and in person spurred me on to finish this.....the Gryles drought it killing me......I hope this helps you guys feel a bit better and here's hoping for just one bloody picture before the dreaded American leg.....
> 
> Finally....I was inspired by one song Breakfast in Bed by Dntel (featuring Conor Oberst)..you all need to listen to it in the dark and think about angsty love confessions of these two idiots....its incredible....
> 
> I love angst....I also love these dots .......... ...... instead of proper punctuation....soz if that is annoying. I am about Nick's age so prob too old for all this but fuck it!!!
> 
> Finally - Niall Horan is the best thing about discovering One Direction were actually pretty cool......he is basically the greatest human around.....

April 14th Sheffield.

How did you get a card for my door? ... Harry looks up from his Mac and scowls. Louis walks towards the bed where Harry has been lying for the best part of the day. He shoves his iphone in front of Harrys nose..."I think....the burning question here is what the fuck has malfunctioned in that brain of yours to make you mope over this!!!" The picture is of Nick djing at Henry Holland's pool party in Palm Springs...."That's a floral shorts suit he’s wearing Haz....and blue loafers....." Harry has seen this picture and all the others.....he's spent the better part of the past 4 hours huffing over tumblr / twitter and facebook. Harry glares at Louis..."I think he looks alright in it...I mean I think its Henry's collection so obviously he's just being supportive" ....Louis' eyes look as though they are about to pop out his head....he's sits down on the bed and whispers "Sharon Osborne.....that’s what they're saying he looks like Haz....a 60 year woman with a face stretched further than any face should go....except with pasty skin and hairier" ........ Harry sinks further into the pillows and can't even muster up the energy to get angry at Louis' .....he closes his eyes and tries to remember when he didn't feel like this...like his heart wasn't getting ripped the fuck apart causing a permanent dull ache in his chest and the longing...the brutal longing for a man who is clearly more interested in taking pictures of himself and beautiful models all wet from doing god knows what all the way over in Cali-fucking-fornia. Why did they have to be wet?? He wonders what are they doing now.. that picture only went on Nicks Instagram an hour ago?? He imagines Nick peeling RJ's wet clothes off him and wants to be sick. Louis places his hand gently on Harry's face pushing his fringe out his eyes. "Haz...what happened with you two after The Brits?? You need to talk about this or it's gonna eat you alive...sitting here stalking him isn't going to make it any easier" Harry thinks about the last time he saw Nick...he's played it over so many times but he really cannot handle an emo conversation about it right now. Louis loves drama....how he ended up not being the one that loved some dick is beyond him. "Can you just go Lou...I'm tired...I just want to sleep before the gig tonight". He drifts off thinking about the denim cut offs Nick has been wearing and better days that came before.....he desperately bats away thoughts of two wet men in a hotel room in Palm Springs.....his phone buzzes with a text but he is already asleep.....

London August 2012  
Harold - Happy Birthday Grims....got some work stuff to do..should be done by 3ish...whats the plan?x  
Nicholas - Thanks Harold ...OLD...Meet us up at Regents Park when you're done....bring a change of clothes...can get ready at mine? OLD x

Harry instantly grabbed a smart jacket...black skinny jeans and a vest...beaming at the idea of getting ready at Nicks cos clearly he is now a 15 year old girl with a crush on the guy in 6th form....he slapped himself on the head and thought out loud...."what are you expecting to happen...this is ridiculous....he's your best mate....you haven't kissed a guy since you were 15...fuckkkk...." Harry puts his head in his hands and sits at his kitchen table for an age going through scenarios....he's late for work as a result. 

Once Harry arrives they eat ice-cream in the park and they are glued to each other for the entire afternoon of sunshine and laughter with Nick’s crew....."if you say you're old one more time I'm going to slap you" Nick moves his face close to Harry's and whispers "oldddd" ....Harry lifts his hand to slap Nick on the head....Nick grabs his wrist and they have a little playfight....it ends with them grabbing hands....Harry goes to pull his hand away but Nick holds on lightly...they end up with their hands intertwined on the grass beside them. Harry's heart is pounding....Nick looks at him a little nervously and very unsure ....Harry breaks into a smile to huge his face hurts a bit....he squeezes Nicks hand thinking "what the fucking fuck does this mean" ....

 

Palm Springs April 2013

"the FUCK.....curtainsssss...nooo....gahhhddd" Nick has one eye open at the blazing sun pouring into his hotel room.....he is suddenly aware of someone in the bed next to him and a million memories come hurtling towards him through a tequila blaze of the past 24 hours....he remembers jumping into the pool with RJ and coming back into the room....he remembers RJ flirting and them both kissing messily with their tops off....then blank for a bit....then ....oh christ....then Nick said the one word that he generally thinks of in any given situation in life these days however, managed to actually say it out loud at the least appropriate time ever...."Harry" .....RJ stopped dead and pulled back to look him in the eye...."so first of all no matter what I'm doin' here I'm not getting you hard and secondly you either called me Harry or you're thinking about Harry...or actually just make that both you utter asshole" after that Nick remembers nothing but checks his phone just incase.....there's a text from an unknown number that he opens...."what the bloody hell are you playing at Nick?? Whatever you are doing with Harry stop it...he is broken and is having some sort of panic attack and I have no fucking idea how we're getting him onstage tonight.." Nicks face flashes hot and he scrolls down his sent items.....one message sent to 'Harold' 9 hours ago...."Harrlod i couldnt get it up RJ ....and hez a model" Nick feels dizzy and runs to the bathroom missing the toilet spewing half on the floor...pure alcohol. He sits on the ground breathing heavily and trying not to cry.....if he wasn't sure whether his ridiculous behaviour had lost him the one person who made him feel what noone else ever had....he had surely fucked it now....and hurt Harry....caused him to be what "broken" ...who was the text from.....Louis likely.....he looked up to see RJ leaving the room looking at him with pity on the way out the door....Nick felt the tears rolling down his face....he thought about maybe living in the bathroom forever ...."oh Harry....my darling ...I'm so sorry" he whispered ....tears turned to sobs until Aimee let herself in and held Nick until he shook...put him to bed and cleaned up after him....he slept.....

London August 2012

Nick’s birthday night had been a total scream...all his friends were so good to him and he ended the evening good and wasted heading out of The Groucho...there was a mass of paps outside blinding Harry, who was in front of him with flash bulbs....he couldn’t help but but think of that Kanye song ‘Flashing Lights’ ...he remembered when he and Harry had their own private box thingy at the ‘Watch the Throne’ gig...they spent the night trying to impress the other pulling moves and knowing entire raps rather than watch the actual gig. It was pure joy but Harry had been warned by Modest about leaving events with Nick and they had to arrive and leave separately. Nick didn’t really understand this when nothing was even going on...Okay Harry stayed over often and would sometimes crash in bed with him but apart from the occasional arm flung over the other during sleep resulting in awkward jokey morning banter. There was also the one time Nick awoke to Harry’s actual boner nudging into his lower back...there was no way Nick could make jokey banter about that and he had exited the bed at speed....got in the shower and wanked himself off to just the idea of Harry in his bed with a hard-on......  
.......he jolted back to life with the cameras turning on him...like fucking daylight at 3am.....Harry was trying to move towards the cab Nick was moving to...however..Harry’s minder had other ideas and so they were separated much to Nick’s annoyance. He Aimee...Gellz... Matt & Henry were in his cab with Harry..the minder and some art gallery owner Harry knew ending up in the other. 

4am passed and Harry didn’t appear at Nick’s flat....by 5am Nick had sent 4 texts and left a ridiculous slurred voicemail .....”Styleezzz....this iss me....Nick Grimshaw....holder of your hand...we held hands in a park....a PARK...are you fucking that art woman....she’s 40 Harold....Forty!!!...divorcees are too old to hold handsss...you’re nothing but a cock tease Harold Styles.......urgh fucking where are you?” Nick was grateful everyone had left as he threw his phone at the couch and ran to vomit pure rum hunched over the toilet bowl.....once everything was up he brushed his teeth and stood in the shower for an age holding back tears.....what even was happening to him....

Harry awoke bleary eyed and looked at the clock....6:00am.....”fuckkk....Nick!” ....Modest had ensured that Harry’s minder took him to his own house and Harry thought it best to wait for 30 minutes before heading back out to Nick’s....he’d fallen asleep on the couch however...he checked his phone which was dead....”fuck itttt” he snapped up and grabbed Nicks spare key which he kept for emergencies...this was an emergency??!... he strode out his house.....too drunk to drive and no taxis...he walked across Primrose Hill for a good 20 minutes before arriving at the basement flat....he let himself in and the lights were off and it smelled like booze and fags.....he found Nicks charger in the kitchen.. plugged in his iPhone and sat on the couch in the dark... He scrolled through his messages....one from Aimee...one from Gellz and four from Nick all asking where he was in varied forms of amusement to anger (on Nicks part)....and a voicemail which he listened to....he felt hurt and anger burn up in his body as he listened....he stormed into Nick’s bedroom and threw his phone at the sleeping bundle in the bed...he heard it hit his head.....”AARGHHHfuckkkk....jesus” Nick snapped up from his slumber looking terrified.....”HAROLD...what the FUCK are you doing in my flat...and did you. Did. You. Just throw something at me?” Harry glared at him.....”cock tease am I? ....you held my hand Nick.....I....don’t you realise how terrifying this is for me?” ...Nick spluttered...”what is terrifying for you Harry? Being a world famous... beautiful teenager spending all your time with your gay mate and sauntering around his flat with next to nothing on.... sleeping in his bed and shoving your massive hard knob in my back of a morning ...it’s terrifying for you? Do you read what the press say about me???” Harry feels embarrassed and stupid....he’s never seen Nick this angry.....he feels tears coming to his eyes and walks out the bedroom to leave.....he tries to leave but by the time he gets to the kitchen he is sobbing and can hardly see straight. He sinks down onto the kitchen floor. He stays there for what seems like ages when he feels Nick sink down next to him....they are lit only by the dim glow of the porch light. Nick turns and wipes the tears from Harry’s face with the hem of his t shirt....Harry takes the opportunity to run his hands over Nick’s belly and lower back making Nick stop what he is doing and freeze. “m’sorry” Harry says and goes to take his hands away but Nick holds his hands over Harry’s...”don’t stop” .....Harry pushes his hands up underneath Nicks t shirt over his chest and shoulders..”you think I’m beautiful?” Harry whispers.....”that’s what you took from my rant?” Nick laughs and looks into Harry's eyes placing a firm hand on the nape of his neck....”I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen Harry.....you make me ache in ways I never knew were possible” ...Nick feels his face going red....Harry says nothing but cups Nicks face with his perfect hands and kisses his lips so gently but with such purpose that Nick feels surely he is going to pass away there and then....his stomach flips and swoops....they pull apart and Nick takes Harry’s hand....”come to bed” ....

LA April 2013

The rest of Nick’s California adventure was less of an adventure and more of a moping by the pool staring at his phone and lying in bed listening to ‘Bright Eyes’ on repeat with tears running down his cheeks....Damn you Conor Oberst....Damn you....he hadn’t heard from Harry at all since the worst text message ever written was sent....although he meant that he couldn’t get hard for RJ and that was due to him thinking about Harry.. clearly his alcohol and drug addled brain couldn’t quite process that into an eloquent "I don't want anyone else ever" text....fucking idiot....you had Harry Styles....you had him....you were a disgrace and you lost him.....you are going to die alone listening to ‘First Last Kiss’ ...cos you actually downloaded that and have listened to it about 10 times in bed today....you are 15....you are a teenage girl and you may as well buy a ticket for some 1D gigs in Europe cos that's your only shot at seeing him again.....Nick spent much of the 10 hour flight to Heathrow re-living the first time he took Harry to bed.....almost to punish himself ... he remembered his scent...how he tasted....how Harry looked at him....how his skin felt....it scared him how emotional the sex had been...he had never enjoyed the intensity of staring at someone so much whilst fucking them.....they locked eyes and barely broke away until they began to fall asleep....he remembered how Harry stared into his eyes as he came and how he said Nick’s name over and over in a breathless whisper....that was the first time Nick realised he was in trouble as he knew what he felt as he was inside Harry wasn’t just a crush...a fuckbuddy....or just a buddy...it was the thing that noone else had ever made him feel....like having all of Harry wasn’t enough....being inside him and holding him wasn’t enough....he felt nauseous and nervous and it was fucking amazing.....he didn’t say to himself what this was....but he knew.....how the fuck he was getting through the next week at work he had no idea.....

London Monday 22nd April

Harry had listened to Nicks show in bed.....he missed his voice and yes he was angry at him....but fuck he missed him....it made him slightly happy to think he hadn’t been able to get it up for that twinky fuck of a model however....the fact he had tried broke his heart.....he hadn’t really thought Nick was serious about being casual...but Modest and the press had gone apeshit after The Brits.....

Nick crawled into bed once he had gotten home from work....the show had gone okay considering Nick had barely slept for 2 days.....he had text Harry a few times apologising and had tried to call him with no reply.....he had decided against leaving voicemails after the resulting iPhone to the head the last time he did that......he didn’t even bother to set an alarm...sleeping right through the day and night would be the best option.....he knew Harry was off for the next week and knew he was in London....thanks twitter stalkers....really a mans best friend.....the less conscious he was to think about Harry being in the local area the better....

Harry & Lou were into the second bottle of wine and it was 2pm.....Harry could tell Lou was concerned about him from the way she kept looking at him.....”I’m fine Lou” .....Lou’s eyes widened....”fine? ...fine isn’t this face Haz.....this is bloody lovesick hurt puppy my darling...you need to speak to him before you go to LA on Wednesday...I’ve never seen you so lost in someone before” she paused slightly unsure of the next question....”are you in love with him?” ....Harry looked down at the table and felt a lump in his throat....he whispered a “yes” and clenched his fists into the hem of his tshirt.....Lou’s eyes brimmed with tears and she leant over to hold Harry’s hand.....”and is he...” ....Harry looked up and he felt his chest tighten ...”I don’t know...probably not...I told him once when he was alseep....I type it into texts that I never send” .....they sank the second bottle....then some cocktails and then Harry began to get angry again....he got his phone out and typed out a text....

Nick stirred with the buzzing of his phone a few times....he checked the clock....4pm.....he checked his phone....when he saw Harry’s name near the top of the text list he froze...felt sick & grabbed his heart like nana...in that order....

Harold - “I’m coming over” 

Nick checked the time....it had been sent 30 minutes ago......and of course the fucking intercom buzzes and Nick is nearing a panic attack.....he wavers over whether to answer the door....but of course he has to...its Harry ...fucking fuck fuck....next thing he knows Harry is in his hallway looking like pornography in filthy looking skin tight jeans....a low white vest and a black jacket.....and the hair...its short at the sides and the birds little wings peeking out as Nick so loved.....”so we have the same hair now Harold....they say imitation is the greatest form of flattery” and what....shut up he’s just got here and you’re being a dick.....Harry glares at him and cocks his head.....”if we’re gonna fuck there’ll be less of your cheek and I will not be looking at Biebers face whilst my dick is in you....it’ll be like you and the New York twink all over again” ....Nick chokes and thinks Harry may be rather drunk but never has he been this forward....he’s also aware that he’s wearing a Justin Bieber t shirt....has his glasses on and a pair of really worn out blue pants....oh god..

Harry walks towards Nicks bedroom and Nick follows slowly behind him.....he wants desperately to be naked with Harry again but the angst...the feelings....the rejection? ....but naked Styles so......Harry stands beside the bed “clothes off now” ....Nick hesitates before taking off the t shirt and pants...”I need to keep my glasses on or I cant see you” Nick chuckles .....Harry glares at him and what is with these evil looks...”what the fucks it matter if you can see me....as long as its a dick you don’t care...you’ve made that clear Nick” ...Nick’s heart pangs and he reaches for Harry’s face...”Haz please...lets talk about this” ....Harry steps out of reach....”we either fuck or I leave....your choice” .... Harry takes off his jeans and vest...and christ he is so gorgeous...Nick thinks this must be like a final closure shag and so if that’s what Harry wants then so be it...

Nick lies on the bed feeling ever so slightly like a teenage girl ..Harry is looking down at him like he wants to destroy him and Nick hopes its in a sexy way.....Harry is silent as he crawls up Nick breathing heavily until he’s paused over him...Nick takes him in....his muscles are taut and his cock is amazingly hard....Nick feels like he’s on fire from pure lust....his beautiful perfect fucking face and those lips that shouldn’t even be allowed anywhere ever....seeing those lips around his dick for the first time made Nick feel faint and dizzy and question if he was awake ...Nick didn’t suppose anyone had ever looked prettier with salty white saliva running down their chin...Harry in turn has the most gorgeous dick Nick’s ever had in his mouth....its big in all respects and tastes fucking amazing......Harry has been training a lot and is more of a man now all naked that Nick has ever been...particularly as a teenager....Harry holds Nicks hands above his head pinned to the sheets and kisses him so deeply its really filthy and wet and Nick immediately feels the blood rushing to his dick...Harry grabs a handful of Nicks hair and is much more forceful than he needs to be...”owww fuck Harry” ....Harry is relentless and continues to pull Nicks hair snapping his head back into the pillow.....his nails are digging into Nick’s palms held to the sheets....Nick ‘s head is spinning from lust...lack of oxygen and a little bit of concern creeping in...he’s never seen Harry like this....Harry releases Nicks hands and begins kneading his waist and stomach pulling the skin taut and tight .....bruised blood begins to show immediately on Nick’s pale skin....Harry can no longer meet Nick’s eyes but he grinds his hips down forcefully and pins Nick by the waist under him..... he kisses Nick so deep and so hard Nick tastes blood and tries to pull away but Harry just keeps him pinned....”Harry please stop this....what the fuck are you doing?”....Harry still can’t look Nick in the eye but drops his hand down to his cock and starts frantically fucking his own hand....he keeps taking sharp intakes of breath as though he’s hurting himself....Nick feels out of control here and freaked the fuck out.....Harry’s arms are shaking and he has his eyes squeezed so tight.....Nick places his hands on Harry’s face and speaks gently....”Baby.....please stop ...you’re hurting yourself” ....Harry shudders at ‘baby’ ....the only time Nick had called him that was the first time they had sex without using a condom... he’s said it once as he came inside Harry and bit his lip as though scared what else would come out his mouth. Harry’s eyes fly open and Nick has blood on his lips which Harry snaps out of the darkness and he breathes in shakily....he looks at Nick’s face....the only face he would ever want to see again.....more freckles now from the sunshine......his pinks lips and bump in his nose....the long eyelashes and beautiful green eyes with the caramel brown at the centre.....the lines at his eyes which he particularly loved to kiss....he felt his face get hot and felt confused at what had just happened.....he didn’t even notice the tears until he saw one splash onto Nick chest.....Nick pulled him in and held him so tight he couldn’t breathe properly....he could feel Nick shaking ....”m’sorry....I don’t know what I’m doing here...m’sorry for hurting your mouth” .....Nick held onto him tightly and breathed into his neck and said nothing......he pulled away after a few moments “look at me Harry” ..he lifted his head to look into his eyes.....harry felt his stomach swoop at the way Nick was looking at him....he stroked Nick’s stomach lightly tracing his hipbones....”kiss me Haz” .....they kissed again but this time soft and wet.....both making little mewling noises soft as kittens....Harry sucked at Nicks neck and down his chest....up his arms and licked wet and warm up Nicks throat...sucked his nipples and sucked and kissed each individual finger on those beautiful..beautiful hands.....looking deep into his eyes are he did....Nick couldn’t quite take in the feelings he was having at this moment.....over and over in his head was the same voice but louder....I love you...I love you....I am so fucking hard in love with you I’m going to fucken die if you leave here and don’t come back.....these words never made it to Nick’s mouth.....the fear.....Harry’s voice was weak and shaky...”I need you inside me Nick....it’s all Ive thought about”.....Nick feels a lump in his throat and swallows it back....crying during sex....that's new.....for christ sake....he keeps his leaking eyes at bay thankfully....and Harry is handing him a bottle of lube....he slicks up 3 fingers and pushes one into Harry incredibly slowly as the most wonderful thing his eyes will ever see is Harry’s reaction to the first push inside....his eyes go dark and wide and he looks at Nick with some kind of emotion that seems other worldly to Nick....like nothing is ever enough always wanting more of him.....Harry moans deep and loud in his throat and Nick is so hard it fucking hurts ...but a good hurt....when it comes to Harry any pain is good pain.....Nick goes straight for 3 fingers .....opening Harry up so easily its making Nick melt.....”c’mon please now....fucking fuck me.....please just do it...its all I want” .....Nick places his free hand on Harry’s plump red lips....”look me in the eyes....I want to watch you sweetheart” ....Nick wraps his hands around Harry’s knees and pulls him up towards him....he reaches for the drawer....”no condom....just you....” ....Nick’s hands are shaking.....he strokes Harry’s thighs....Harry’s eyes are locked with his so intensely Nick feels nausea and butterflies and fucking sunshine and lollipops....and fuck...he pushes into Harry slowly....Harry moans his name and Nick moans his.....Harry is tight and wet and so hot....he gets a rhythm going and Harry begs him for it even though he already has everything Nick has to offer.....”please Nick I want you” .....”you have all of me baby.....all of me....” ....Harry is close Nick can tell....his face is so gorgeous and flushed....Nick wraps his hand around Harry’s dick and strokes him hard matching his own rhythm.....”come for me Harry....want to feel it” with just another few strokes Harry is coming hard hot streaking over their stomachs...Nick is overwhelmed with emotions and is soon coming hard inside Harry blanking out white heat....Harry is close to tears and whispers into Nicks ear...head buried in the crook of his neck....”I love you Nick....I love you so fucking much” ..... Harry turns so he can look into Nicks eyes....Harry's eyes are brimming with tears....”I’m in love with you” ....Nick feels possible every emotion on earth at that point and freezes .....doesn’t reply.....his brain hates him.....everything that's in his head doesn’t transfer to his mouth.....Nick pulls out of Harry and gets up...on autopilot...what is happening....he finds himself in the bathroom staring at the mirror covered in the come of the worlds most desired men who he has just fucked in his bed and has told him the one thing noone had ever told him ....and he’s the only person who he’s ever wanted to hear it from.....he stands for a few minutes trying to get his shit together.....he hears the front door slam.....he runs to the door realises he is naked “fucckkkkkk” he pull on some shorts and a tshirt.....by the time he gets up the stairs to street level he can’t see Harry.....he runs up the street calling out his name....he is nowhere.....it takes Nick a moment to realise he’s sitting on the ground in a reasonably busy street in his pants and a tshirt repeating Harry’s name.....once he’s back in his bedroom he realises Harry hadn’t even put on his shoes....barefoot Harry Styles ...he prays no paps were around...he has a panic attack.....nears an asthma attack...cries.....throws stuff.....cries some more...passes out crying.....

Europe May 2013

Europe.....Milan...Amsterdam...Madrid......city and city ....day after day.....hour after hour.....Harry is living the life people dream of.....he could never have imagined it turning out like this....sold out arenas....a stadium tour on the cards.....girls...boys... women and men throwing (literally) themselves at him.....this was the dream......so why did he feel like his world was falling apart.....Harry was drinking more and more as the tour rolled on....he kissed a pretty blonde girl in Oslo on a party bus.....he watched a YouTube video of Jared Leto flirting with Nick on his show....how did Jared know Nick was "hung like a Wilderbeest"?? he went out that night and got sucked off by a cute curly haired boy in a Madrid club toilet ....he remembered watching ‘Requiem for a Dream’ with Nick in his flat and Nick commenting on how beautiful Jared was...he was also double Harry’s age and rugged and cool....there’s no competition Harry thought...of course he’d rather be with someone older like that... he went to bed alone tears rolling down his cheeks.... 

Harry & Niall became close during the tour and Harry was incredibly grateful for him being around...Niall was chill....funny....he knew exactly what was going on with Harry and tried everything he could to cheer him up....and sometimes it worked....silly dance routines on stage....staying behind in Amsterdam and getting high as kites giggling at everything and nothing.....things were difficult anyways with Louis and a drunken argument didn’t help matters...Louis had accused Harry of being selfish and not giving 100% to the band.....Louis had stated he wouldn’t blame Nick for backing off regardless of his feelings given the negative press he had been getting regarding Harry....”remember the shit we have gone through Harry with this Larry bullshit...and we weren’t even fucking....people are calling Grimmy a paedo and digging into his past” ....Harry spent long hours contemplating the price of this intense fame.....Louis and he had a less than close relationship now and he knew how difficult Eleanor found it all....constant tweets and tumblr drama.....it was tiring.....was it really worth losing friendships over??....losing the man he loved over??.....did that man even love him back??....probably not...after The Brits Nick had been distant.... the night before the first gig at the O2 he’d told Harry he should be playing the field with lads and girls rather than cooking dinner and drinking red wine with a man approaching 30....Harry knew that Nick was wild in his early 20s....out and about meeting lads...taking drugs and getting papped all about town.....”I was a bit of a twat if I’m honest Haz....you wouldn’t have looked at me twice” he’s confessed ....”but I don’t regret it and I don’t want you to regret this” .... Harry sighed heavily and looked Nick deep in his eyes...”you make me happy....this is what I want....” Nick put his hand on Harry’s hip....”Oh my darling....you’re 19...and on that big old tour I think its better we just keep this open and casual...do who you want and what you want” ......Harry felt his breath shaking with hurt....”if that’s what you want Nick” .... that night Harry for the first time topped and fucked Nick hard into the bed....trying to feel some sort of control.....Nick felt like he was drowning....he knew he was doing the right thing....being the adult....tears ran from his eyes as he held onto a sleeping Harry as he thought of him being like this with someone else......

Nick had spent the past 5 weeks living in a bubble.....going to do the radio show...coming home....walking puppy power.....eating sleeping....recording his new panel show on Friday nights.....he avoided as much as was possible the reality of what was happening to his heart....soul....brain....he felt like a ghost.....he hadn’t spoken to Harry since that afternoon he’d came inside him...blanked his confession of love and Harry had left his flat shoeless..all within the space of 10 minutes....he had in fact not touched the shoes....they were in his hallway where they had been left....he had called Louis one night at the start of the euro leg and they had had a long discussion about Harry....Louis let Nick know how Harry was doing and promised not to tell him they’d spoken.....he hadn’t heard from anyone from the 1D camp until early Saturday 22nd May in the morning when he woke dazed and still a bit drunk to a text .

Louis T – Didn’t want you see this in the press and not know he’s okay...well...he’s not okay but he’s okay....that doesn’t make sense....shit....none of us know what to do with him anymore....he’s a fucking disaster zone...sorry....Lou.

Nick checks the time 2am.....searches Harry Styles on Google......the headlines are plentiful already....’Drunk Harry Styles breaks down on stage in Munich’ ....there’s pictures of Harry on his knees in floods of tears at the side of the stage...another of his face close up red and tear stained looking bloody awful.....and another of Liam and Niall helping him off stage. He reads on....'Harry Styles further confirmed his fragile mental state last night at an arena gig in Munich by being seemingly drunk onstage, Harry stumbled over lyrics numerous times at one point telling the crowd that “the next song ‘first last kiss’ is a pile of bollocks and love is for fucking idiots” Harry then was unable to sing the song all the way through, he became very emotional and sank to his knees sobbing, he was helped off stage by his band mates who came back on and apologised stating that Harry wasn’t feeling well.' Parents were furious at the language used by Harry......Nick put the phone down and stared at the ceiling.....he picked it up again and called Fincham....so as not to alarm him....”I’ll be back for Monday so don’t panic....you know what I’m doing so please just say okay” ...Matt sighed....”okay Nick....okay” ..... “be careful for fuck sake” .... Nick text Louis and Niall....”I’m going to fix this” He pulled the duvet over his head and hoped for some sleep.........he needed a clear head space to deal with tomorrow......

The next morning Harry awoke in his bunk on the tourbus en route to Italy.....no idea where he was going in Italy however....his head was pounding and he knew he was in deep shit....Modest were going to kill him....last thing he remembered was lying here listening to a One Direction gig finishing up with him not part of it.....he felt sick at himself.....he left his phone off and didn’t plan to turn it on...Niall appeared and got in the bunk with him....”Haz....how ye feelin?” ...Niall held Harry as he shook with emotion not helped by the extreme hangover....Niall explained that Liam had pulled dad rank and spoken to management via video chat and explained that they would deal with the situation as a band and that if anyone attempted to intervene with the five of them they would boycott everything.....pretty ballsy and so loyal of Liam.....Harry thought how lucky he was to have them all....he really did feel like the baby today....he looked up at Niall through wet eyelashes....”oh godd Nialler what will Nick think” ....Niall sighed...."Harry I think you need to forget about Nick...we need to get you through this tour intact....these people are paying for tickets and you were telling them our songs were bullshit last night to their face....it’s not fair on us or them." Harry had no idea how he would get through this gig tonight but he knew he had to put a face on it...Liam appeared at his bunk...”yer mams on the phone Haz.....” 

Louis T – I really think you should fix this in London in June....not in Italy....he’s too fragile for you to be fucking him up even more

Nialler – I just realised Verona might be the setting for the most fucked up reenactment of Romeo & Juliet of all time....you’re a dickhead but I put your name on the guest-list under B. Luhrmann (geddit?) I haven’t said to anyone bout this...I’m gonna get my balls booted for dis Grimshaw. N x

Italy passed Nick by in a taxi....he felt lightheaded and sick to his stomach....it was now 8:45pm and they would be onstage.....by 9pm he was standing outside the venue which was stunning an old coliseum open topped and ancient.....he went through to guest list booth and luckily it was quiet as everyone was inside and those outside didn’t seem to recognise him....he was positive the pictures of him at the airport in London would by now be all over tumblr....part of him loved those gryles girls for their dedication....he went through up some stairs to crazy noise levels and suddenly he was faced with thousands of fans screaming at the stage on which he could see five boys singing and generally having the time of their life....he picked out Harry in black jeans and black tshirt....he ducked back into the track leading to backstage....bag in tow....phone in hand...heart pounding....stomach churning.....the next song started....he text Fincham...”I’m in love with a teenager who sings lyrics about hitting the pedal heavy metal aren’t I?” .....reply came not but 1 minute later....”I’m glad you finally realised schweetheart.....and yes those lyrics are terrible” .... Lou spotted Nick first and came over warily hugging him squishing Lux in the middle of them....”one foot wrong and I’ll fucking murder you okay?” ....she pointed Nick towards the side of stage.....Nick ended up standing behind monitors and scaffolding where he knew he couldn’t be seen....and when he saw Harry so close his breath caught in his throat....this. this. Boy.....this boy was his and he’d pushed him away. He watched as Harry danced around singing and smiling hair shorter at the sides and skin more tanned......although still with heaviness about his shoulders and Nick wanted to punch himself in the face for causing this perfect creature to feel that way.....two things happened then....Louis noticed him and it began to pour of rain.....Louis looked like he was going to come over and hit Nick....luckily Harry didn’t notice and Nick moved away from the stage....Louis found him during an interlude and there were angry tears in his eyes.....”wait in my dressing room.....I cannot fucking believe you came here Nick....fuck....” Nick held onto Louis’ shirt.....”I’m not going to hurt him Louis....trust me please” .... “just wait in my dressing room okay ....jesus” ....

Harry got through the gig okay....even enjoyed it a bit towards the end.....'Last First Kiss' was awkward and also made him feel a bit sad.....he was soaked by the end but the rain was amazing.....Louis was acting weird and Harry guessed he was still pissed at him for Munich. After the final song Louis hugged him “meet me in my dressing room in 5 minutes we need to talk Harry” ....  
Harry was still drenched in rainwater and tried to keep his composure as he walked towards Louis’ dressing room....he opened the door ...took a deep breath and walked in.....noone....he turned the corner to where the bathroom was and opened his mouth to speak and Nick.....oh my god Nick.....Harry felt his legs buckle slightly and shake he could feel his lip shaking and balled his hands into fists at his side.....

Nick was startled even though he suspected Harry was coming in and turned to look at Him.....and of course he had to be wet.....he was the most beautiful thing Nick had ever seen....his green eyes wide and his hair wet raindrops dripping off his chin......jeans stuck to his thighs and my christ this boy must be a dream....  
Harry turned to leave the room terrified....thrilled....shaking...he tripped over a chair and fell to his knees at the door......Nick quickly got behind him scooping his wet body into his arms....Harry struggled for a bit and then went limp in Nicks arms. Nick felt sick....its now or never.....he placed both hands on Harry’s face rubbing his thumb over his lips red and wet.....”I love you .....I am so in love with you I feel like I can’t function anymore without you....I love you....I love you and I’m sorry....he took a shaky breath and whispered struggling not to cry...I love you Harry”. Harry took a moment to take in what had just happened.....they looked into each others eyes barely an inch apart for a very long time breathing each other in.....”Nick....” lips met wet and slick from the rain....kissing deep and hard....holding onto each others so tightly neither one able to let go to remove clothing....they held each other and kissed and rutted against each other stroking and rubbing at their now very hard cocks over and through their jeans.....Nick coming first in his pants with Harrys tongue hot and wet panting in his mouth and Harry followed moaning Nicks name over and over....”god we’re like teenagers....dry humping” Nick breathed....Harry laughed....”19 Nick....19” .....”just like Romeo & Juliet” Nick said and they held each other and laughed til their tummies hurt....”I cant believe you’re here” Harry says..Nick gazed at the perfect boy in his arms..”I owe Horan a few pints ....lets just say that” .....

London Monday 27th May 2013

Nick is watching TV on the couch with puppy when he hears the door open......he had spent 24 hours in Italy expressing his love physically and verbally for Harry over and over but he still felt nervous about him coming home ...it had only been a few days.....he turned to see Harry standing in the doorway....they were both smiling so much it was ridiculous....and Harry of course looked like actual sin in tight black jeans and a rolling stones tshirt....Harry puts his bags down “Hiya gorgeous” ....and ooh Nick likes that and feels like a teenage girl....”Hiya baby....c’mere” ...Harry walks over and actually lies on top of Nick who can barely breathe but in a nice way....”so gorgeous Harry.....so fucking gorgeous” ....”not so bad yourself love when you wear your glasses for me like a sexy secretary” Nick spanks Harry’s tiny little perfect arse.....”cheeky” ...Harry laughs....”oh yeah and I saw some pictures of 21 year old you and you’re right...I wouldn’t have looked twice” Nick looks scandalised and turns them over so he is on top.....he puts his hands down Harry’s jeans....no underwear and oh so hard.....”really Harold....this massive hard dick i have in my palm tells me otherwise” .....he strokes it slowly and Harry groans against his neck.....”I love you Nicholas Peter Grimshaw you fucking idiot” ......Nick kisses Harry wetly on the lips....”I love you more Harold Edward Styles ” ....it’s going to be a long night...........


End file.
